Monday, 6 November 2017

#MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: #The Monocle Deli goes to war!

#MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: #The Monocle Deli goes to war!: I’ve heard that amongst next year’s films showing at the Cinemac in Macclesfield will be the iconic and internationally lauded 1940 thrille...

#The Monocle Deli goes to war!

I’ve heard that amongst next year’s films showing at the Cinemac in Macclesfield will be the iconic and internationally lauded 1940 thriller, “The Monocle Deli.” Directed by Hugh Haswell, the film is set in war torn Treacle Town and involves a white knuckle chase to prevent a plot to blow up the Royal Train as it passes through Macclesfield Station. Will the monacled and indomitable Colonel Gimcrack of MI5 (played to the hilt by Chester Gates) stop a dastardly German spy from doing what Goering’s Luftwaffe have so far failed to do?


Monday, 30 October 2017

Macclesfield says NO to BREXIT!!!


The big message I’ve been getting from the people who read this blog is that Brexit was a big mistake. Which should come as no surprise because Treacle Town bucked the national trend and voted to remain in the EU.

As a result I’ve set up a committee called BRWRONG and I’m asking the people of Treacle Town to join me and keep this great nation of ours nestling safe in the gentle and ample bosom of the European Union! The BRWRONG message to the Prime Minister is clear: do not sever the apron strings that attach us to a loving mother who has stood by us through thick and thin.


And here’s some exciting news!

I’ve gathered a big gun to help me! BRWRONG is sponsored by none other than the President of the European Commission, Jean-Claude Juncker. This is a man who needs no introduction whatsoever. A man with a working knowledge of wines and spirits that are second to none! But to those who know him Juncker does more than just fill his glass. This is a man who has steered the ship known as MS EU with the single-minded dedication of a Ferdinand Magellan. And this is the man who has promised to help me do a Nigel Farage in reverse!*

Perhaps there are still some people in Macclesfield who distrust the EU; a distrust which, in my view, is just short of rampant paranoia. So let’s put the record straight. If anyone still doubts the value of the EU they have only to look at Greece. Less courageous politicians would have balked at providing the help Greece sorely needed. Instead they’d have preferred to “kick the can down the road” and continue kicking it – like some demented Beckham – in the hope that the problem would eventually go away.

But we all know they didn’t.

No, instead they grasped the nettle and transformed a country that was virtually bankrupt into the richest and most vibrant country in the EU. A country literally swamped with milk and honey. And I’m sure the paranoia displayed by those who voted to leave would have us believe that elements of corruption and sexual harassment also exist in Brussels. That some of the politicians over there have, like ours, been unable to control their weaknesses.

Quite rightly Juncker calls corruption and sexual harassment the “British disease.” If asked he will no doubt assure us that the dedicated and altruistic politicians in Brussels are far too busy looking after the welfare of their member states to line their own pockets or grope every female that comes in arm’s length.

So I’ll be waiting for you applications to join BRWRONG so that we can eventually turn BRWRONG into BRIGHT!

Mike Knowles.

*I meant Juncker was helping me, not Magellan who died a long time ago.


MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: Macclesfield says NO to BREXIT!!!

MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: Macclesfield says NO to BREXIT!!!: The big message I’ve been getting from the people who read this blog is that Brexit was a big mistake. Which should come as no surprise ...

Monday, 16 October 2017

MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: Macclesfield man claims he's the real heir to the ...

MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: Macclesfield man claims he's the real heir to the ...: ‘The country must prepare itself for a great shock!’ According to a local man these are the words that will be spoken by the Queen w...

Macclesfield man claims he's the real heir to the throne!


‘The country must prepare itself for a great shock!’

According to a local man these are the words that will be spoken by the Queen when she discovers that the wrong baby had been given to her! And that the real Prince Charles will turn out to be a 68 year old window cleaner from Macclesfield called Wilfred Periwinkle. And Wilfred assured me he had a sure fire way of proving his claim.

His DNA!

In an exclusive interview Wilfred said he was born in London at the same time as Prince Charles and that the wrong ID tags were applied by a short-sighted midwife. Wilfred explained that he’s always been a level headed man not given to flights of fancy. And regardless of what the doctors might say, the knock on the head he got when he fell off his ladder has nothing to do with it.

Wilfred’s only worry is whether his wife is ready to take on her royal duties. Apparently she drinks like a fish and has a vocabulary containing a choice range of obscenities.

So what about Wilfred’s DNA? He claims the Oxford University Department of Genetics have told him that DNA belonging to royalty has the Royal Coat of Arms to distinguish it from ordinary people. And he showed me a diagram which he says the University sent him.

‘To settle the matter amicably,’ he said, ‘I’m willing to supply sample of my DNA and the Queen has phoned me to say that Prince Charles will do the same.’


#MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: #The Monocle Deli goes to war!

#MACCLESFIELD UNVEILED!: #The Monocle Deli goes to war! : I’ve heard that amongst next year’s films showing at the Cinemac in Macclesfield w...